Noon in the Rose Garden of Good & Evil
by Bastion05
Summary: Mamoru has a few things to say to his fans...


Below is a fic inspired by a conversation between me and a good  
friend. We got to talking about SM fics and got into the  
beloved Fangirl Fics, particuarly Mam's fics. And thus this  
little anecdote was created.  
  
Here goes!  
  
Funny comments, rants, flames, or whatever you call them  
nowadays, should be aimed and directed at.... well, me. I wrote  
it, didn't I? Of course, if that's what you *want* to  
believe.... grin  
  
@@@@@----------+++++--------@@@@@  
Noon in the Rose Garden of Good & Evil  
aka  
Everybody Loves Mamoru  
  
A Parody Fic by Bastion  
@@@@@----------+++++--------@@@@@  
  
[In the mysterious darkness, a young man sits by the dim light  
of a lamp. Just beyond its glow, a man is seated sipping his  
hot tea. The younger gent scratches his head in contemplation  
before figuring out where the record button is on his tape  
player. His older male compatriot sets down his cup on the  
table next to the recorder and begins his monologue when he's  
sure the machine is spinning the tape.]  
  
Bastion: Good evening, Mr. Chiba.   
  
Mamoru: Good evening.  
  
Bastion: You can begin anytime you're ready.  
  
[The older man clears his throat.]  
  
Mamoru: I would like to set something straight here with the  
world.  
  
Bastion: That you're not gay?  
  
Mamoru: NANI!? No, not about that.  
  
Bastion: So the deal with you and Fior-  
  
Mamoru: NO! *Ahem* Anyway, I would to say something about  
this overcrowded masquerade of so called "biographers" [writers] out  
there on the electronic murky world of the Internet.  
  
Bastion: And you're wanting to say?  
  
Mamoru: I want royalties! I also want to know to why they  
know so much about my life! Can't I have any privacy anymore!   
Quit spying on me!   
  
Bastion: Uh, Mamoru, you were the love interest of the main  
character of one of the most popular Japanese Shoujo series in  
recent memory.   
  
Mamoru: narrows brow I was the *co-star*, get your story  
straight.  
  
Bastion: But I think if you valued your privacy that much you  
could have let someone else take that role?  
  
Mamoru: Baka! It was perfect for me. Besides, Ataru was way  
too much into this harem stuff, it was unhealthy. He would have  
scared away all of the cast. Except Ami.  
  
Bastion: ........... Huh?  
  
Mamoru: Also, lest I remind you, I am going to get my sak-,  
er, cut for doing this, correct? I hope you're not one of those  
perjurers and profiteers. Can't they plagiarize someone else's  
life from the series?  
  
Bastion: deadpan They do. Anyway, I'm not making any money  
off this, Mr. Chiba. I'm a fanfiction writer, like most of the  
other persons out there writing about you. I mean, isn't  
pointless to attack your fans by calling them liars and  
plagiarizers when they aren't making a dime on any of their  
efforts?  
  
Mamoru: True enough, but it's akin to spreading false rumors  
across this wide world web. Like I was bigger than life or  
something. Or children in Ethiopia learned to watch TV to get  
through the everyday drudgery of their lives because of my show.  
  
Bastion: Uh, wasn't the show named aft-  
  
Mamoru: I may have billions and billions of fans and more  
temples in my name than Buddha, but I still have my feet firmly  
on the ground. I don't want people to get a false impression of  
me when they meet me in real life.   
  
Bastion: Uh, I don't know how to break this to you, Mr. Chiba,  
but you're fictional. ..... And so is this interview.  
  
Mamoru: Oh really? Then I suppose I can say that I've scored  
at least once with the entire female cast, even Haruka.  
  
Bastion: Yeah, Mr. Chiba. You know those falsehoods about her  
bein' Michiru's "special" friend.   
  
Mamoru: That is why you're the gullible fan and I'm the all  
knowing hunk.  
  
Bastion: I'm sure the men's clothing was a real turn on as  
well...   
  
Mamoru: *Ahem* Did mention my aim is world renown?  
  
Bastion: Errrr, thank you Mr. Chiba for your time and I wish  
you good luck in eradicating the falsehoods being spread about  
your personal life. Such a travesty it is. Really.  
  
Mamoru: Thank you and I hope I don't ever have to talk to you  
again.  
  
Bastion: mutters I bet you're gay.  
  
Mamoru: What?  
  
Bastion: End interview!  
  
*THAWHIP*  
  
Bastion: eep.  
  
*CLICK!*  
  
-End of Side 1, flip over to Side 2-  
  
Adios, folks, and really, come on, it's only a stupid parody...  
wink  
  
And in case you're wondering, no I don't hate Mams, whatever gave  
you that silly idea?  
  
Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi and in America by DIC, er, no  
it's CWi now.  
Do you see any other copyright owners here! I don't!  
  
Bastion  
bastion@ix.netcom.com 


End file.
